Episode 01 - Week 773 in Audio

Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. In our first episode, we’ve adapted some of the plays that were supposed to be in this week’s performance of our on-going, ever-changing, and weekly late night show The Infinite Wrench.  This week would have been our 773rd consecutive performance where we attempt to perform 30 original plays in a single hour.

All you need to know is we are who we are, we’re doing what we’re doing, we are where we are, and the time is now. 

 If you like what you hear and want to support the New York Neo-Futurists, subscribe to the show, tell a friend, and leave a review on your listening app of choice. And we’d love to hear from you! We’re @nyneofuturists on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

Take care of yourself, call a friend, paint a painting, and share it with us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

1:01 - And we were there, getting wet, all of us by Yael Haskal

3:10 - Let's Just Run the Tasty Tastiness of Things by Rob Neill featuring Yael Haskal and Dan McCoy

5:46 - Dan's Bag Ban Fan Slam by Dan McCoy

8:31 - Realizing that he wants to date more than one person, Shelton has written a personal ad for himself in the form of a rap. Why? Because rap music is sexy and he’s never written a rap before, just like he’s never been in a functional polyamorous relationship. It’s 2020, time to try new things by Shelton Lindsay

Our logo was designed by Shelton Lindsay

Our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean

Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean and Julia Melfi

Take Care!

Transcript 

Instrumental chill music plays underneath the introduction. 

Julia: 1. Week 773 in Audio. Well done—you Hit Play. I’m Julia Melfi— a New York Neo-Futurist, I am speaking into my iPhone, I am sitting at my desk looking at some birds out there. It's March 19th, 4:27 PM, 2020.

If you’re a fan of The New York Neo-Futurists, or any of our sibling companies, hello! We hope to be holding your actual hands really soon.

If this is totally new to you—awesome. Please tell us how you got here. All you need to know is that we are who we are, we're doing what we are doing, we are where we are, and the time is now. 

In this first episode, we’ve adapted some of the plays that were supposed to be in this week’s performance of our weekly late night show The Infinite Wrench.  This week would have been our 773rd consecutive performance. 

Now sit back, get out your Clorox spray, pop open a beverage—or whatever it is you do when you listen to podcasts—and get ready to hear a selection of Neo-Futuristic experiments in audio. 

Play 1: And we were there, getting wet, all of us. (1:01)

Yael: And we were there. Getting wet, all of us. GO!

Calming electronic music plays underneath the voiceover

Yael: And it was raining. And the water fell in sheets around you.

And so you walked, feet making waves in your personal flood,

stroking your wet shirt like a violin,

there was no choice but to worship.

And you think back to the first time that you enjoyed the rain,

begging to go outside and dig up earthworms,

running down hills with the first boy to ever kiss you on the cheek,

biking home in the excess, 

where cool rain meets the hot springs, 

Sun-soaked car windows on the drive through Michigan.

And you can almost see it again

the rocks in the sidewalk with the glittery skin

her tongue that said “it’s complicated”

her tongue that said “yes”

hands in the dirt and the Twin Tower north star

song that fucking smells like last year

and she brought out her juul to ask if you were having fun.

Fun, like, fun in the sun

Fun, like, this was nice but I gotta go

Like, this was good but I gotta go because it’s gonna storm any minute now

And you can feel it building in the air around you

about to blow

as you swim, fast, against the flow of traffic.

Dam bursting out of the damn sky

you were out-screaming the thunder

sounds you didn’t know your body made.

You, with your inside-out umbrella heart

pointy in all the right and wrong places

Snapping amidst the music

thumping on the downbeats

Like when you saw the lightning come

Like when you kissed her by the water

Like when he kissed you by the library 

Like when the trains were running late and you couldn’t find a cab

and so you walked

And you held hands

and everything shone

and you thanked the sky

and you held your ground

and you hit the road

and you said goodbye

and you swaddled your umbrella in its velcro hug

and you said, “Yes, I am having fun.”

More prominent snapping with music crescendo into rain sounds

Play 2: Let's Just Run the Tasty Tastiness of Things (3:10)

Rob: Let's Just Run the Tasty Tastiness of Things. Over the Phone? GO! 

Yael sings her own version of "I Want It That Way"

Rob: Oh my god, O my god O my god, OMG. Yael, I want to give you some things.

Yael: Things

Rob: Well, A Thing. Making my thing your thing. 

Yael: You know you can, Rob

Rob: Yup. Or even vice versa. 

Yael: Save that for another time.

Rob: Right. So. What it is all about, being a Neo for you, briefly?

Ramping up sound effect music plays underneath. 

Yael: Community. Connection. Creativity. Chaos. Other words that start with C.

Rob: Wow this play and that--what is it?

Yael: Soup! 

Rob: (vocalizing) Sousousoooup SoooouUUp!

Yael: Yes. Ok.

Rob: And now things are...

Yael: well, I have soup in my mouth now.  

Rob: and we are

Yael: not really talking face to face right now. 

Rob: I hear ya, but (vocalizing) sousuhsouuuUUUp. 

Yael: Yes, Rob, I have some soup here. I am eating it. And soup is slimy. 

Rob: For me it’s even more important, today, soup, this play, and all of it. 

Yael: Yes. Fine.

Rob: Fine

Yael: Fine

Rob: Superfine.

Yael: Super--

Dan: Hey, Yael, Rob.

Rob/Yael: Hey. Dan. Hey.

Rob: Oooh. Gotta dash! To the other room!

Dan: Yael. He asked you to eat soup. 

Yael: Dan.

Dan: Yael. You've been eating soup. 

Yael: Yup. You know, Dan, I'm wearing a pair of socks that I would never wear outside in public, and then this play.

Dan: Yael, I've had the same socks on all day. And now that they're off, my feet feel free, there is this play, and soup. Could I?

Yael: You know what you know, McCoy. 

Dan: It’s beyond my reach. I have grapes! 

Rob: (sounds far away) I'm really just standing in my closet! 

Yael/Dan/Rob sing or speak their own versions of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" and riff off the lyrics with music swelling underneath. 

Yael: No, you can't. 

Twinkly music swells. 

Yael: Always. Nope. 

Play 3: Dan's Bag Ban Fan Slam (5:46)

Dan: Dan's Bag Ban Fan Slam. GO!

"Day 1" 

Waiting on the check-out line

With my clementines

Lime La Croix

And pine nut hummus

I notice the sign

Five pennies for a paper bag?

Not this time

I wink to myself, whip out my

State-issued bag o’ virtue

And ooze on down the line

Twinkly music plays underneath

Context

Twenty three billion

That’s twenty three thousand million 

Per year

Right here

In New York State

A state of waste 

A state of disgrace

Attackin’

Our dolphins

Turtles

Merfolk and krakens

I say good riddance

I welcome these laws

But honestly

Between you and me

I still can’t stand paper straws

“Day 9”

As I write these words

I sip a Corona

Bought specifically to help their sales

And so I could truthfully write these words

Meta

If we stop bringing home beer

That means the virus has won

And after one dead soldier

My eyes flick to the corner

Where I stick my leftover

Bags of sea slaughter

And wonder

Are the days numbered 

When I can line my basket

With ease

To contain the debris

Of my carbon-based footprint

And wrappers of Laughing Cow cheese?

Don’t judge me

We’re all at least a little bit trash

And besides

I brought them home in one of these

And I start to recall the American soliloquy

Of one Wes Bentley

In a movie now grown enough

To flash its ID and bring home a Corona

“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can’t take it.”

And it’s still true

It’s still true

It’s still true?

But what do you do with trash

That’s become a part of history?

“Day 13”

You make it into something beautiful 

You look to your accumulation

Of single-use shame

And accept that it’s never going away

So at least for a minute

At least for today

You can reframe your ocean-cramming garbage

As motherfracking ART

And let the wind shift it

Let the music lift it

Let the rivers carry it

Out to the sea

To the edge of the maps

Where dragons there be

Whose mythical spree might be cut short

By a Dag Bag

Sorry…

But we’re doing better now

Right?

And progress ain’t free

Feel me?

And I know we can all “do better”

Is this “better?”

Not for me to say

I still haven’t switched

To Green Mountain Energy

Sorry again

Maybe someday

But I’m late for the movie

That might inspire me

Say ‘round Day 7,673?

To make something greater

Out of whatever no-brainer

I know now I shouldn’t be

Throwing away

Music stops

Play 4: realizing that he wants to date more than one… (8:31)

Shelton: Realizing that he wants to date more than one person, Shelton has written a personal ad for himself in the form of a rap. Why? Because rap music is sexy and he’s never written a rap before, just like he’s never been in a functional polyamorous relationship. It’s 2020, time to try new things. Asterisk: also because no one wants to be in a non-monogamous relationship with an aspiring poet because that sounds like a recipe for disaster, so maybe he needs to rebrand? GO! 

Hip hop beat crescendos and stops

Shelton: I've never really rapped but I guess I'm gonna try it. 

Spitting lines out like their carbs, I'm on a diet

Got 3 degrees, could be in the professoriate 

But I'm a performer, tour nights in the Hyatt.

Can't really cook, but my fashion is seamless.

My financial foundation, it's beamless

That don't mean that I am dreamless 

I'm just a nice guy, call me scheme-less 

I'm an Aries but my moon is in Leo

I could be yours but I love a love trio

Favorite X-Men is Magneto

Got any questions, call me like Clio. 

I'm happy 

But I don't have faith

I'm crafty

Work well with lace

I'm sassy 

Know you wanna taste 

Leave you drafty

When I blow you with my face

I'm the kinda boy you wanna take to your Momma

Smoke you all out with all my diesel ganja 

Making small talk eating her lasagna

Under the table jerking your banana. 

I go to the gym and listen to Grimes

I love hot dogs but I don't use Heinz

Mostly think condiments are crimes

And I'm voting for Bernie, every time

I'm no dummy 

And you know it's true 

Be my honey 

Come join my crew

Keep it yummy

Me and you

Call me sonny. 

Hopping on ya like a kangaroo. 

Dating more than one man really sounds legit

I already got one but that's not my limit.

After the show I want those digits

Calling to you like its imbolc and your name is bridgett 

But we're dark right now 

Online I'm Shelton underscore whimsy

And though I love women, I'm a 6 on the Kinsey

Flirting on the web doesn't have to be chintzy

Let's innovate like Leonardo da Vinci 

I've never really rapped but I guess I'm gonna try it. 

Dating just one person, why that's a love diet

Series of DJ airhorns

Gentle instrumental music plays underneath

Julia: Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. If you liked what you heard and want to support the New York Neo-Futurists, consider making a donation at nynf.org, or joining our Patreon--Patreon.com/NYNF. Patreon membership gives you access to bonus content like video plays! We’d really appreciate any support in these difficult times. Contributing to our Patreon helps us continue to pay our artists. 

Take care of yourself, call a friend, paint a painting, and share it with us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

This episode featured by Yael Haskal, Dan McCoy, Rob Neill, and Shelton Lindsay. Our logo was designed by Shelton Lindsay. And our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean. Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean and me, Julia Melfi. 

Take care out there!