Episode 22

Episode 22 - Chlortrille

Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. This week: spelling bees, new normals, chanting monks, cat experts!

Some of the plays in this episode may contain sensitive topics. For more specific content warnings, check out the timecodes below.

If you like what you hear and want to support the New York Neo-Futurists, consider making a donation at nynf.org, or joining our Patreon. Patreon membership gives you access to bonus content like video plays! We’d really appreciate any support in these difficult times. Contributing to our Patreon helps us continue to pay our artists.

Take care of yourself, tie-dye it up with your old Neo-Futurist merch, and share it with us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

1:39, 7:44, 10:47 - The 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee by Michaela Farrell featuring Siyu Song, Yael Haskal, and Greg Lakhan

3:37 [CW pandemic] - The Normal: It Is New by Katharine Heller featuring Dan McCoy, Cecil Baldwin, Connor Sampson, Rob Neill, and Daniel Mirsky

9:21 - Meanwhile Rob drinks the 2nd to last beer from his fridge and hangs a small shelf for keys & masks by his door while listening to a few random monks chanting with, are those bells? yes, those are bells and monks! by Rob Neill

13:10 - You're the expert by Jeffrey Cranor featuring Cecil Baldwin

18:13 [CW 9/11-related PTSD] - Audio Crime provided by Cecil Baldwin

Our logo was designed by Shelton Lindsay

Our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean

Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean, Julia Melfi, and Léah Miller

Take Care!

Transcript

Episode 22: Chlortrille

Show Intro

Bouncy groovy electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Julia: 22. Chlortrille. I’m Julia Melfi—a New York Neo-Futurist. While our on-going, ever-changing, late-night show, The Infinite Wrench, is on hold for the foreseeable future, we wanted a place to keep making art for you. And thus, Hit Play was born!

If you’re already a fan of The New York Neo-Futurists, or any of our sibling companies, hello! We can’t wait to whisper a secret in your ear. If this is totally new to you—welcome to it!

We play by four rules: We are who we are, we’re doing what we’re doing, we are where we are, and the time is now. Simply put: we tell stories, and those stories are our own. Everything that you hear is actually happening. So if we tell you we're recording while tending to a broth on the stove, we’re really recording while tending to our broth on the stove. Like I am right now.

Sound of broth bubbling

Just a heads up that some of the plays in this episode may contain sensitive topics. For more specific content warnings, you can check out the show notes.

Julia: And now, Jeffrey will Run the Numbers!

Jeffrey: Thanks, Julia! Hi, I’m Jeffrey, a New York Neo-Futurist Alum.

In this episode we’re gonna bring you 4 plays by Michaela Farrell featuring Siyu Song, Yael Haskal, and Greg Lakhan. Another by Katharine Heller featuring Dan McCoy, Cecil Baldwin, Connor Sampson, Rob Neill, and Daniel Mirsky. Another by Rob Neill, and a play by me–Jeffrey Cranor, featuring Cecil Baldwin. And speaking of Cecil Baldwin, stick around after the credits for another Audio Crime.

That brings us to 93 audio experiments on Hit Play. Enjoy!

Music winds down.

Play 1.1: The 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word... (1:39)

Michaela: The 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. GO!

Epic game show music, starting with a drum roll! Continues as underscore.

Michaela: Hello and welcome to the 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. I’m your host, Michaela Farrell. Each contestant will be asked to spell a nonexistent word that should exist in my opinion but in truth, does not. If a contestant is successful, they will win a certificate detailing their above-average understanding of the intricate ways in which my brain works. Our first contestant is Siyu Song! Siyu, your not-word is: Chlortrille.

Siyu: Chlortrille…

Michaela: Chlortrille.

Siyu: Uh, can I get the definition?

Michaela: Noun. The side of the salt shaker that has the many small holes on it.

Siyu: Uh, can I have it in a sentence?

Michaela: The chlortrille on my salt shaker always helps spread the sale evenly on my yams.

Siyu: What is the etymology of the word?

Michaela: Chlortrille. Etymology: The Industrial Revolution.

Siyu: Chlortrille.

Dramatic percussion

Siyu: C-H-L-O-R-T-R-I-Y-L

Music clunks out.

Michaela: I'm sorry, the correct spelling of chlortrille is C-H-L-O-R-T-R-I-L-L-E. Thank you. We will be right back after this short play break.

Play 2: The Normal: It Is New (3:37)

Katharine: The Normal: It Is New. GO!

Electronic droning underscore.

Katharine: I'm a little bit surprised at how normal it is now to put a mask on. Or get excited to put a mask on to go outside.

Mirsky: Is there anything that has started to feel normal to you in my life, or otherwise that maybe wasn't normal before, since this started? How does that make me feel? The whole staying at home feels normal now. And if you asked me in February, hey could you imagine spending the next few months staying at home, inside? Maybe going out for a walk around the block, but jumping across the street every single time you see someone coming up the sidewalk towards you?

Rob: Ultimately, I feel…

Mirsky: Uh, for the next few months…

Rob: Overwhelmed and frustrated and sad at times. I also feel sometimes a certain amount of freedom that these is a different set of expectations about what busy is?

Connor: Starting to feel normal to spend all day in bed.

Rob: and how I approach that.

Connor: It's my desk, so I spend a lot of time there. It's starting to feel normal that my world is like a ten block radius in every direction and I think everyone can relate to that. It's also starting to feel normal that I no longer can make connections by happenstance or...

Cecil: I've not used the subway, bus, New York...

Connor: The magic of New York is…

Cecil: Transit system or anything like that, in well over 3 months now and it's just starting to feel normal that I wouldn't go any farther than my legs could take me.

Dan: Every time I go outside, I put on a mask, I pack gloves and hand sanitizer, and I use a paper towel to open the front door. Every time I return, I wipe down my mask, my headphones, my keys, my phone, and whatever groceries I've carried in, item by item. I sanitize the mail and takeout containers. And I wipe down the locks after I've touched them. I wash my hands before, during, and after all of these processes, and I dab on some extra hand sanitizer for good measure. The outside world and all the people, places, and things that it contains, feels contaminated now and I don't know when it will feel clean again. I don't know when my dirty, stinky city, which in many ways is cleaner now than it's ever been, will feel safe enough to touch without worry. In the increasing normality of this feeling…

Katharine: It's been 77 days.

Dan: It's keeping me up at night.

This section is layered and the text overlaps. Sometimes unintelligible.

Rob: I feel that it's good not to put pressure…

Connor: ...is running into total strangers or friends and now I really have to seek out those connections.

Cecil: ...as much as I hate...

Rob: ...on myself to get things done

Cecil: It feels great, I relish my place in…

Rob: I enjoy some of the ways I'm connecting with people...

Mirsky: For the next few months? I couldn't even imagine this--when this was starting?

Rob: I also have been going through some wild spurts of creativity and inspired elements of response and strong...

Mirsky: ...USA and something was gonna change, I thought, okay...

Rob: ...feelings of care and wanting to support.

The text separates into individual speakers again.

Mirsky: ...wanting to leave, and now I've just been at home, and it feels normal. This is just what I do. I feel like my world is smaller.

Cecil: And I start to wonder, why did I need to move around so much before? What was I trying to escape?

Katharine: And now I get to put a mask on and go outside. And I'm smiling. Legitimately smiling and feeling good. For the first time in a long time.

Music fades out.

Play 1.2: The 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word... (7:44)

Drum roll into epic game show music as underscore.

Michaela: Welcome back to the 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. Our next contestant is Yael Haskal! Yael, your not-a-word is: Uncleanliripp'd.

Yael: Uncleanliripp'd…

Michaela: Uncleanliripp'd.

Yael: May I have the language of origin?

Michaela: Uncleanliripp'd. Origin. When I saw that bowl in the drying bowl that one time, with a piece of pasta sauce on it.

Yael: Can I please have the definition?

Michaela: Un. A not-word that describes a dish that was removed from the sink and put on the drying rack without properly being washed.

Yael: Okay, okay. Can I see it in a--can I hear the word in a sentence?

Michaela: The dish was from my sink, uncleanliripp'd.

Yael: Okay. I'm ready to spell the not-word.

Dramatic percussion.

Yael: Uncleanliripp'd. U-N-C-L-E-A-N-L-I-R-I-P-P-E-D, uncleanliripp'd?

Music clunks out.

Michaela: The correct spelling is U-N-C-L-E-A-N-L-I-R-I-P-P-Apostrophe-D. Thank you, Yael. We will be right back after this short play break.

Play 3: Meanwhile Rob drinks the 2nd to last beer… (9:21)

Rob: Meanwhile Rob drinks the 2nd to last beer from his fridge and hangs a small shelf for keys & masks by his door while listening to a few random monks chanting with, are those bells? Yes, those are bells and monks! GO!

Sound of a drill

Rob: Monks

Sound of monks chanting, continues throughout

Rob cracks open a beer and drinks from it. Sighs

Rob: Shelf

Sound of a drill shelf and ambient noise of Rob hanging up the shelf

Rob: Keys

Sound of keys jangling

Rob: How’s it look...

Vanessa: It looks awesome

Rob: Cool. There it is.

Rob: Bell

Sound of bells clanging

Rob (distorted): Cool. There it is.

Monks and bells fade out.

Play 1.3: The 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word... (10:47)

Drum roll into epic game show music as underscore.

Michaela: Welcome back to the 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. Our next contestant is Greg Lakhan! Greg, your word is: Corneawharwohrly.

Greg: Uh, corneawharwohrly?

Michaela: Corneawharwohrly.

Greg: Corneawharwohrly, okay. Um, can I please have the definition?

Michaela: Corneawharwohrly. The not-word used to describe when you are feeling a sense of epic realization much like the Mr. Krabs meme or the end of Old Boy.

Greg: Huh. Okay… could you use it in a sentence?

Michaela: I got corneawharwohrly when I found out my therapist knew I had anxiety this whole time.

Greg: (Laughs) Oh boy… Origin? Can I please have the origin?

Michaela: Corneawharwohrly. Origin. The moment you realize your parents are real people.

Greg: Um, okay. I am ready to spell the not-word. Okay.

Dramatic percussion.

Greg: C-O-R-N-E-A-W-A-R-W-O-R-L-E? Corneawharwohrly?

Music clunks out. Greg laughs and groans during the spelling.

Michaela: The correct spelling is C-O-R-N-E-A-W-H-A-R-W-O-H-R-L-Y. Thank you, Greg.

Greg: No problem.

Conclusion epic game show music.

Michaela: This concludes our 0th Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. I wouldn't count on us being back next year. Thank you for tuning in.

Music crescendos into the sound of a TV turning off

We will be right back after this short play break.

Play 4: You're the expert (13:10)

Jeffrey: You're the expert. GO!

Jeffrey: Hey, Cecil.

Cecil: Hey, Jeffrey!

Jeffrey: My cats catch wasps now. They don’t get stung – the cats – maybe it's their fur that protects them. Why do you think they don’t get stung?

Cecil: Uh, cats are pretty quick.

Jeffrey: You sound like a real scientist. The cats toy with the wasps for upwards of 45 minutes never actually killing them, but leaving them to die on their own. Hurting them joyously, reveling in the pleasure of abuse and power. It’s nature. It’s instinct. It is just what they do. Robert Browning said “So a fool finds mirth, makes a thing and then mars it till his mood changes and off he goes?” And I think Bob meant God designating a hell on Earth, “desperate and done with” but they – the cats – are behaving like the shittiest of deities, and maybe one of those wasps was the Bert Browning of his office, never living long enough to have written the pest queendom’s best verses. What’s a poem you think about a lot, Cecil?

Cecil: Uh, The Odyssey.

Jeffrey: That's very literary of you! I will store this poetical wisdom like I store kale in the crisper: smugly at first but with metastasizing guilt as it rots, undevoured, into pulp. How will that make you feel?

Cecil: Uh, wretched.

Jeffrey: I probably won’t ever tell you one way or the other. We don’t get to talk a whole lot together. But I like you. I like you a lot, because you’re human and you are speaking to me, and any words, however brief and ignorant of the 45 years of my life’s privileges and struggles are these days like a compassionate stroke on my back by a mother who loved me so as a child but recently asked me to accept the Lord when I told her the world was bringing me down. And oh god, do you have a therapist, Cecil?

Cecil: No, uh, I was supposed to start looking for one this week.

Jeffrey: Yeah I don’t either. I used to but I'm trying to save money these days. Every day my showers get angrier, and my dreams get more pervasive. I don’t gotta tell you, right?

All of this to say that the cats catch wasps now and I’m glad, because it is too much to do myself. Everything is hard, harder than it used to be, and they say it’s okay. They – the cats say this. They say it with their actions, not their mouths. They’re experts at doing one thing for up to 45 minutes and then napping the rest of the day. So I’ll just reply to this one important email – the one that was sent 4 days ago with the subject line “quick question” – and then go lay back down. It’s fine. The "new normal" people call it. "Quarantimes", some say. A ‘Rona routine, it is termed. What do you call it, Cecil?

Cecil: Everyday life.

Jeffrey: You’re a linguist now, huh? Panic isn’t a solution. Guilt isn’t a strategy. All time now is you time now. And by you, Cecil, I mean me. And by me, I mean my displaced disquiet. And I’m taking this out on you. I’m the sayer of this play’s lines, and by allowing you the merest briefest ad libs, I can control you in a way that I cannot control anything else. I can toy with you, protected from your sting by my thick fur, until I am bored and tired, or until I have maxed out the time allotted to me in this show. That’s what we do when we’re scared: dominate and dismiss, because it’s easier than coping with the ghost of hope, with nature, or worse, with ourselves. I don’t gotta tell you, right? Right, Cecil?

Cecil: No, man. But you know what you can do? That your cats have remembered that you might've forgotten? It feels good to touch something. That's all. So I'm gonna touch this microphone. Just for you.

Muffled sounds as Cecil touches the mic.

Jeffrey: Wow, I mean, you’re the expert.

Show Outro (15:36)

Bouncy groovy electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Julia: Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. Be sure to stick around after the credits for an Audio Crime provided by Cecil Baldwin. If you liked what you heard, subscribe to the show and tell a friend! If you want to support the New York Neo-Futurists in other ways, consider making a donation at nynf.org, or joining our Patreon–Patreon.com/NYNF. Patreon membership gives you access to bonus content like video plays and livestreams. And if this episode gets over 1,000 downloads, we'll order one of our Patreon supporters a pizza on us. We’d really appreciate any support in these difficult times. Contributing to our Patreon helps us continue to pay our artists.

Take care of yourself, tie-dye it up with your old Neo-Futurist merch, and share it with us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

This episode featured work by: Michaela Farrell featuring Siyu Song, Yael Haskal, and Greg Lakhan; Katharine Heller featuring Dan McCoy, Cecil Baldwin, Connor Sampson, Rob Neill, and Daniel Mirsky; Rob Neill; and Jeffrey Cranor featuring Cecil Baldwin. Our Audio Crime was provided by Cecil Baldwin. Our logo was designed by Shelton Lindsay. And our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean. Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean, Léah Miller, and me, Julia Melfi. Take Care!

Music fades out!

Audio Crime with Cecil Baldwin (18:13)

Cecil: Audio Crime. GO!

Sound effect of camera zooming in and focusing.

Cecil: Thirty seconds of crime. In real time. Anonymous. Psilocybin cultivation.

Sound of spraying and ambient moving around. More spraying and the thump of putting the bottle down. Walking and breathing. Water tap filling, fan turning on. Fan fades out.

Cecil: Why did you do it?

Someone: That's the sound of the sterile cultivation of Teonanacatl, or P Mexicana and P Cubensis, both of which are psilocybin-containing mushrooms. I cultivate them in small quantities for my own personal use as an act of mental health activism. They were placed under Schedule 1 classification along with various other psychedelic compounds by the Nixon administration in 1970 and several groups have been working since then, including the Johns Hopkins University, um, to get these substances through clinical phase trialing so that they can be approved by the FDA for medicinal use within our society. I don't believe that governments should be able to legislate nature and psilocybin grows in nature. I also don't believe that capital gains markets should be created around pharmaceutical substances that are available to us to deal with our health–mentally, emotionally, and physically. I suffer from PTSD from being an eye-witness to 9/11 and a number of other events that have happened in my life since then. Psilocybin is proven to be the most effective compound that I've encountered to help me deal with that particular pathology. I cultivate them to take care of my own well-being, emotional and mental. And by doing so, by being responsible for myself, I'm also being responsible for the well-being of the society around me. And I think that that kind of agency should be allowed into everyone's life.