Episode 41 If You Say So

Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. This episode: new words, old spatulas, and [REDACTED]!

Check out our upcoming monthly livestream show, CyberWrench, which is starting August 29th! More info on our website here.

If you like what you hear and want to support the New York Neo-Futurists, subscribe to the show, consider making a donation at nynf.org, and join our Patreon. Patreon membership gives you access to bonus content like video plays! We’d really appreciate any support in these difficult times. Contributing to our Patreon helps us continue to pay our artists.

Take care of yourself, eat only pudding for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and call it conceptual art--and share it with us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

1:52, 5:25, 10:50 - The Sporadically Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-a-Word Spelling Bee! by Michaela Farrell featuring Katharine Heller, Rob Neill, and Yael Haskal

3:42 - Spatulas? by Rob Neill featuring Kyra Sims and Julia Melfi

7:02 - [REDACTED] by Joey Rizzolo featuring Hilary Asare

Our logo was designed by Shelton Lindsay

Our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean

Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean, Julia Melfi, and Léah Miller

Take care!

Transcript 

Episode 41 If You Say So

Show Intro

Percussive groovy electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Julia: 41. If You Say So. I’m Julia Melfi—a New York Neo-Futurist. While our on-going, ever-changing, late-night show, The Infinite Wrench, is on hold for the foreseeable future, we wanted a place to keep making art for you. And so we made this podcast! We're also experimenting with bringing you other digital art offerings like our upcoming monthly livestream show, CyberWrench, which is starting August 29th! So you can head to our socials, nynf.org, or our Patreon page to learn more about that and get your tickets! We really can’t wait to see ya there!

If you’re already a fan of The New York Neo-Futurists, or any of our sibling companies, hello! We can’t wait to go to a county fair with you. If this is totally new to you—welcome to it!

We play by four rules: We are who we are, we’re doing what we’re doing, we are where we are, and the time is now. Simply put: we tell stories, and those stories are our own. Everything that you hear is actually happening. So if we tell you we’re recording while puzzling, we are really recording this part while we are killing this puzzle game. Like I am right now. (Sound of a puzzle piece clicking into place) That's good. 

Julia: And now, Joey will Run the Numbers!

Joey: Hi, I’m Joey, a New York Neo-Futurist Alum. 

In this episode we’re bringing you 3 plays. The first is by Michaela Farrell featuring Rob Neill, Katharine Heller, and Yael Haskal. The second is by Rob Neill and features Kyra Sims and Julia Melfi. And the last is by me, Joey Rizzolo, with Hilary Asare. 

That brings us to 158 audio experiments on Hit Play. Holy fuck, that's a lot! Enjoy!

Music winds down.

Play 1.1: The Sporadically Annual...Spelling Bee (1:52)

Michaela: The Sporadically Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. GO!

Epic game show music, starting with a drum roll! Continues as underscore. 

Michaela: Hello and welcome to the Sporadically Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. I’m your host, Michaela Farrell. Each contestant will be asked to spell a word that I have made up, based on the given circumstances of my personal life. If a contestant is successful, they will win a certificate detailing their above-average understanding of the intricate ways in which my brain works. Our first contestant is Katharine! Katharine, your word is: Boarocclude. 

Katharine: Boarocclude...

Michaela: Boarocclude. 

Katharine: Um, can I please have the definition? 

Michaela: Boarocclude. When a Boar's Head truck is blocking the bike lane. 

Katharine: Uh, can I please have the place of origin?

Michaela: Boarocclude. Origin. Last week, when I was last to work.  

Katharine: (Laughs) Okay. Can I please have the word in a sentence?

Michaela: I was confronted with the irony of being a vegan and experiencing a boar. 

Katharine: (Laughs) Um okay. 

Dramatic percussion and music

Katharine: I'm ready to spell the not-word. B-O-R-A-C-L-U-D-E. Boarocclude. 

Music clunks out. 

Michaela: The correct spelling is B-O-A-R-O-C-C-L-U-D-E. Boarocclude. 

Katharine: Ohhhh

Michaela: Nice try. We will be back after a short play break. 

Play 2: Spatulas? (3:42)

Rob: Spatulas? GO!

Rob: (sung) Spatula Spatula Spatulas Spatula 

Kyra: Some don’t like it when the title of a play is in 1st line of a Neo play

Rob: (sung) Spatula Spatula Spatulas Spatula

Julia: This play 

Rob: (sung) Spatula 

Julia: is all

Rob: (sung) Spatula

Julia:  about

Rob: (sung) Spatulas 

Kyra: with vocal effects!

Rob: (sung w/FX) Spatula 

Kyra: Some people love pancakes...

Julia: Nope, too 

Rob: (sung w/FX) Spatula 

Julia: adjacent

Kyra: A german company makes a $45 dollar fish 

Rob: (sung w/FX) spatula

Kyra & Julia: fish 

Rob: (sung w/FX) spatulas spatula

Julia: Wow. How do they use them, they don’t have any arms

Rob: (sung w/FX) spatula 

Kyra: fish joke

Julia: Not really the best joke, Rob

Rob: Thanks. 

Rob: (sung w/FX, continues underneath following definition line) spatula 

Julia: (noun.) from Latin spatula "broad piece, spatula," diminutive of spatha "a broad, flat tool or weapon,"

Rob: I wrote this because I threw away a (sung w/FX) Spatula 

Kyra: because

Julia: It was too floppy. 

Rob: And I don’t think I regret it. Plus

Kyra & Julia: you have some new ones, now. Your new

ALL: Spatulas 

Rob: Right. Nice. 

ALL: (sung by Rob w/FX, with Julia & Kyra monotone chanting) Spatula Spatula Spatulas 

Kyra: Spatula 

Play 1.2: The Sporadically Annual ... Spelling Bee (5:25)

Epic game show music, starting with a drum roll! Continues as underscore. 

Michaela: Our next contestant is Rob! Rob, your word is: Bloiey. 

Rob: Bloiey.

Michaela: Bloiey. 

Rob: Bloiey... Can I have the definition please? 

Michaela: Bloiey. Definition. Describing a temporary feeling of eerie confusion.  

Rob: Um, can you give me the origin?

Michaela: Bloiey. Origin. In your soul, when you begin to believe in a ridiculous conspiracy theory or when you listen to Simon & Garfunkel.   

Rob: Uh. Can you use it in a sentence?

Michaela: The only word to describe the confused eerie feeling when I hear the song Scarborough Fair is bloiey.

Rob: (Laughs) Okay. 

Dramatic percussion and music

Rob: Bloiey. B-L-O-Y. Bloiey. 

Music clunks out. 

Rob: Aww. 

Michaela: That is incorrect. The correct spelling is B-L-O-I-E-Y. Bloiey. 

Rob: So many more letters than I was expecting. 

Michaela: We will be back after a short play break. 

Play 3: [REDACTED] (7:02)

Joey: And now, the-- (beeping tone redaction). GO!

Joey: Hi Hilary. 

Hilary: Hi Joey!

Joey: Before we begin – just for the record – you have zero familiarity with the content of the play we are about to perform. Would you say that’s accurate?

Hilary: That's very accurate. 

Joey: Okay. Ready?

Hilary: (laughs) Ready.

Joey: Hilary…there’s this thing that I think about sometimes. And I’m pretty sure you think about it sometimes, too. Do you know the thing I mean?

Hilary: No. 

Joey: Okay, so…I can’t say what this thing is, but you know. You know what I mean. Do you know what I mean?

Hilary: No...

Joey: I can’t say what this thing is for your safety. I can’t say it for my safety. Do you know what I mean?

Hilary: I think maybe, a little.

Joey: Okay, so, Hilary…You read the news. You know that feeling that you get when you read the news for the first time in a given day? That kind of rotten pit in your stomach that you didn’t get, say, four years ago when you read the news, but boy you get it every day now. Do you know that feeling?

Hilary: Yeah I do. 

Joey: Okay. There’s this thing, this thing that I think about sometimes. I’m pretty sure you think about it sometimes, too. We’re all thinking about it. Do you know what I mean?

Hilary: Yeah, I do. 

Joey: Do you think somebody should do the thing?

Hilary: I think, I think if somebody does the thing, we'll have a whole new set of problems. Um, and no solutions for the problems that we already had. It would make those problems even harder to work towards resolving. And I'm trying to cultivate grace and curiosity in people who aren't interested in doing the same for me. But it's hard. It's hard. But I can't say that I want that to happen in my deepest heart of hearts. 

Joey: If somebody did the thing, is there any part of you that would feel good about it?

Hilary: Yeah. For a moment. I'd feel good for a moment and then I'd be worried about the aftermath. 

Joey: Yeah, me too. I don't think anybody should do it but it would make me feel good. And I hate that I think that. 

Hilary: I don't think that you have to hate that you think that. I think that's also very human. I think that we can contain a lot of uncomfortable and unpleasant wants and feelings and still have compassion for those things, because they come from a genuine place. It's not unfounded. 

Joey: Okay, so new unrelated topic:

Hilary: Mhm. 

Joey: I hope a bald eagle takes a shit in Donald Trump’s mouth.

Hilary giggles

Hilary: That'd be so good. I really hope--I want, I want that too. I want it to happen on video. 

Joey laughs

Joey: Do you have anything that you would like to express?

Hilary: I think what I would really want is for Donald Trump and his ilk to be as curious and compassionate about the rest of the country as some of us are trying to be towards them. 

Joey: Hilary, thank you for being in this play with me. 

Hilary: Thank you for asking me, Joey. That felt good. 

Play 1.2: The Sporadically Annual … Spelling Bee (10:50)

Epic game show music, starting with a drum roll! Continues as underscore. 

Michaela: Our next contestant is Yael! Yael, your word is: Gagglecagoule. 

Yael: Gagglecagoule.

Michaela: Gagglecagoule. 

Yael: Gagglecagoule... May I please have a definition? 

Michaela: Gagglecagoule. Definition. A family or group of people dressed in the same exact raincoat, color, and style. 

Yael: I don't know how I didn't guess that. May I have the language of origin?

Michaela: Gagglecagoule. Origin. The first buy 5, get 1 free discount. 

Yael: Huh. Can I have gagglecagoule in a sentence?

Michaela: Gagglecagoule. Sentence. This gagglecagoule reminds me of ducks walking in uniform. But it is just 5 people wearing the same exact raincoat. 

Yael: Alright. I think that's all the information I need. Okay. 

Dramatic percussion and music

Yael: Gagglecagoule. G-A-G-G-L-E-C-K-O-G-G-L-E-H-E. Bloiey?

Music clunks out. 

Michaela: I'm sorry. The correct spelling is G-A-G-G-L-E-C-A-G-O-U-L-E. Gagglecagoule. Thank you.

Yael: Oh my god, I was so close. 

Epic game show music, starting with a drum roll! Continues as underscore. 

Michaela: This concludes The Sporadically Annual Totally Arbitrary Not-A-Word Spelling Bee. Thanks for playing, and maybe we'll see you again. 

Music crescendos and plays out. 

Show Outro

Percussive electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Julia: Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. If you liked what you heard, subscribe to the show and tell a friend! If you want to support the New York Neo-Futurists in other ways, consider making a donation at nynf.org, or joining our Patreon–Patreon.com/NYNF. Patreon membership gives you access to bonus content like video plays and exclusive access to some of our livestream stuff. And if this episode gets over 1,000 downloads, we're gonna order one of our Patreon supporters a pizza on us. We strongly recommend you choose Hawaiian toppings. We’d really appreciate any support in these difficult times. Contributing to our Patreon helps us continue to pay our artists. 

Take care of yourself, eat only pudding for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and call it conceptual art--and share it with us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.

This episode featured work by: Michaela Farrell featuring Katharine Heller, Rob Neill, and Yael Haskal; Rob Neill featuring Kyra Sims and Julia Melfi; and Joey Rizzolo featuring Hilary Asare.

Our logo was designed by Shelton Lindsay. And our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean. Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean, Léah Miller, and me, Julia Melfi. Take Care!

Music fades out!