Transcript

Show Intro (00:00)

soft electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Yael: Hi, I’m Yael Haskal, a New York Neo-Futurist. 

While our on-going, ever-changing, late-night show, The Infinite Wrench, continues to be on hold for the foreseeable future, we wanted to keep making art for you. And so, we made this podcast.

If you’re already a fan of The New York Neo-Futurists, or any of our sibling companies, hello! 

We can’t wait to whisper in your ear again. 

If this is totally new to you— welcome to it!

Here at the New York Neo-Futurists, we make art by four rules: We are who we are, we’re doing what we’re doing, we are where we are, and the time is now. 

Simply put: we tell stories, and those stories are our own. Everything that you hear is actually happening. 

So if we tell you that we are tickling our noses with a little bamboo plant, we’re really tickling our noses with a little bamboo plant, like I am right now. 

Sound of Yael tickling her nose with a little bamboo plant.

Some of the work in this episode may contain sensitive topics. For more specific content warnings, check the timecodes in the show notes.

All of the plays in this episode are part of our Neo-Futurist Mixtape. 

And now, Katy-May will run the numbers!

Katy-May: Hi, I’m Katy-May, a New Yor Neo-Futurist alum. In this episode we’re bringing you 5 new plays. This week’s cast is Greg Lakhan; me, Katy-May Hudson; Yael Haskal; and Michaela Farrell.

That brings us to 236 total audio experiments on Hit Play. Enjoy!

Music winds down.

Play 1: A Normal Morning In Astoria, Queens (1:58)

Greg: A Normal Morning In Astoria, Queens. GO!

Deep inhales and exhales.

Sound of air cooler.

Door opening.

Footsteps.

Fridge opening.

Sounds of TV.

Pot clanging.

Sound of running water.

Pot being placed on stove top.

Stove top clicking, igniting.

Fridge closing.

Footsteps.

Toothbrush brushing.

Water running.

Peeing.

Toilet flushing.

Water running.

Door opening.

Fridge opening.

Crinkling.

Obie: Meow.

Greg: Savor it buddy it’s all you're getting.

Obie: Stressed meow.

Greg: Careful Obie, it’s hot.

Crunch.

Chewing.

Greg: Great, there’s fucking cat hair on my toast.

Greg’s Roommate: Flavor.

Grinder unscrewing.

Lighter flicking.

Bong bubbling.

Exhalation.

Shoelaces being tied. 

Door slamming.

Keypad beeping.

Door locking.

Skateboard on pavement.

Play 2: City of Ghosts (5:13)

Katy-May: City of Ghosts. GO!

Galaxy sounds play underneath.

Katy-May:

There is a city of ghosts. East of the Nullarbor plains, over sacred forgotten bones, under Nulla Nulla, where the Coral and Tasman sea meet.

My father lives there with an apparition of me. Together we are fossilized on sandstone walkways, swirling in stirred arid red dust, carved into the chest of the jacaranda tree outside your old home.

My three year old knows too. Her DNA carries our phantoms passed as well. She walks through an empty street and says “Are there good ghosts here?” 

Katy-May’s daughter (overlapping): Are there good ghosts here?

Katy-May: “Sure,” I say.

But the truth is I’m not sure. I’m not sure of much these days. 

beat.

Katy-May (whispered): * *Hey ** If you close your eyes for long enough and find the back of your eyelids, you will see all of space and time move through you. Instead of you. In spite of you. 

beat.

Can you? Can you close your eyes? Can you see it? Can you feel it?

When you were born to, shackled to, a city of ghosts, you break free, you learn to run. Really really fast- really really far. So fast, so far, you move beyond yourself - in continuous motion. Constant, perpetual, unyielding. Motion. For you know if you stand still too long they will catch you. Again. And you cant let them catch you. Don’t let them catch you.

Galaxy sounds rise.

Barely audible, Katy-May’s daughter echoes: “Are there good ghosts here?”

Galaxy sounds swell, then quickly dissipate. 

Play 3: Yael’s Big Ugly Play. (7:43)

Yael: Yael’s Big Ugly Play. GO!

Elegant classical music underneath.

Yael: 

My name is Yael.

And I write pretty plays.

I like rhymes.

I like big words.

Ambient cinematic background music. 

But this isn’t one of Those Plays.

This one’s different.

I’m Yael, and you’re listening to My Big Ugly PLAY.

Classical music cuts to a cacophony of terrible sounds and jingles: doorbells, horns honking, farts, crying, meows, bubbling, belching, whatever. Yael speak-sings out of time to the cacophonous music. Sometimes Yael’s voice sounds like she’s talking into a can. It doesn’t sound pretty. 

This is my Big Ugly Play!

I wrote it in Comic Sans.

It doesn’t sound very good.

And that’s totally great.

This is my Big Ugly Play.

It wears Crocs and a thong.

It ate a toenail for lunch.

And soon it’s gonna eat you.

This play tastes like old milk.

It smells like cat pee and dirt.

Also this play fucked your mom.

And it’ll do it again.

Maybe next week. 

Or, whenever she’s free.

Cause this play respects your mom.

That’s how ugly it is.

Anyway, we’re getting off track–

Cacophony out, return to classical music. 

Yael: Hey Katie.

Katie (on the phone): Hey Yael.

Yael: So, I had my new Neo evaluation a little over a year ago. Do you remember what you wrote to me?

Katie (through laughter): Oh my god, no I don’t! What?

Yael: Okay, you told me that I wrote a lot of poetic plays, but you wanted to know, quote, “What does an ugly Yael play look like?”

Katie: Oh yeah! I do remember that!

Yael: What did you mean by an “ugly play”?

Katie: Um so -- I think that...Oh god, what did I mean? I think I meant that like, like all of you work um, that I had seen up until your evaluation was really like, elegant? And like, well crafted. Which I appreciated so much. I -- I, I think what I meant by “ugly” was like, harsher...and sort of like, maybe more percussive as opposed to lagato and -- and sort of smooth. I think that’s what I meant! 

Katie laughs.

Yael: Does this play feel ugly to you so far?

Katie (through laughter): Yea, it does!

Classical piano music abruptly ends and is replaced by a cheesy cheering crowd sound effect, which plays for a little too long before abruptly cutting out. 

Yael: This is my Big Ugly Play.

Return to cacophony. This time with more church bells and bird calls. 

I hope you want it to end.

You’ve lost (play runtime) of your life

And this play’s out for blood

So watch out. For Yael’s! Big! Ug! ly! Plaaaaaay!

Cacophonous sound abruptly cuts out.

Yael clears her throat.

Anyway. Here’s Nickelback.

Beginning of Nickleback’s ‘How You Remind Me’ plays: 

‘I couldn’t cut it as a wise man.

I couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealin--’

The song is interrupted by a cow.

Then. Silence. 

Play 4: Weeeellll adjusted (11:03)

Micahela: Weeeellll adjusteddddd. GO!

80s synth-pop style  piano and bell music establishes. 

Michaela sings not perfectly in time, her voice is doubled on the capitalized words. 

Micahela: I’m well adjusted NEVER

Especially at parties!

With my family!

FAAAMILY PARTIES!

We are forced to attend the-

4th! of ! July!

Whyyyyyyyyyyyy ughhhhhhhhhh

I walk around my grandmas house 

Thinkin in my head

Who should i talk to who

Won’t bring up GOD!

who won’t ask If i have a boyfriend!

If i like my job

If I have healthcare

Round and round,

Round and round

Proving to myself and everyone around me that

I am a weirdo!

Here we go circling the house again!

I bought a vape and i hide it behind a rock!

YAY!

I’m well adjusted NEVER

Just slurping through this life

Lookin at couples with their hands in hands

Thinking that looks really SWEATY!

I’m trying my best!

We are outside but it’s stressful!

I question my adulthood every second

I have the same underwear since 4 years ago!

I never adjusted!

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I

See a face I’ve never seen before!

And i tell that face with all the gusto and maturity I do not have-

To be grounded in your journey!

Be grounded in my journey!

I’m grounded in my -- 

Music abruptly ends.

-- journey.

Play 5: Thinking of Having Kids? Listen to This First (13:23)

Katy-May: Thinking of Having Kids? Listen to This First. GO!

A track plays. It is a Royalty Free Beastie Boys type beat.

A soundscape of the hellscape that is parenthood emerges. We hear the voice of Katy-May’s children, mostly her daughter, whining. 

Mummy

Mummy

Mummy

Mum!

Mummy

Mummy

Mummy

Mum!

(crying) It’s all wet

I wiped my bottom already

(crying) It’s all wet

Thank you

I want to go up there mummy

Mummy mummy I want to go up there mummy

I need to get through mummy

I need to get through mummy

I want to go up there mummy

I need to get through

Mummy mummy I want to go up there mummy

Let me go through

The sound of Katy-May’s babies screaming and crying. 

The recordings overlap and build in intensity. 

The screaming echoes from side to side. 

Track and hellscape slowly fade to silence. 

Mummy 

Mummy

Show Outro (15:07) 

Electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Yael: Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. 

If you liked what you heard, subscribe to the show, tell a friend, and leave a review on your listening app of choice! If you want to support the New York Neo-Futurists in other ways, consider making a donation at nynf.org, or by joining our Patreon - Patreon dot com slash NYNF. 

This episode featured work by:

Greg Lakhan, Katy-May Hudson, Yael Haskal, Katie Kay Chelena, and Michaela Farrell.

Our logo was designed by Gabriel Drozdov and our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean. 

Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean, Léah Miller, Julia Melfi, and me, Yael Haskal.  

Take care!

Music fades out!