Transcript

Show Intro

*radio static*

*channel scanning*

*2 seconds of Sir Gregolas Radio: The Days Ahead*

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*Hit Play Theme variation*

*channel scanning*

*Hit Play Theme variation plays underneath*

Kyra: Hello all you drive-time fools. Welcome to WNEO 85.4, The Bolt. 

I’m Kyra: a New York Neo-Futurist and your metaphorical DJ for your night… your morning… your now.

While our on-going, ever-changing, late-night show, The Infinite Wrench, continues to be on hold, we wanted to keep making art for you. And so, we made this podcast.

If you’re already a fan of The New York Neo-Futurists, or any of our sibling companies, hello! 

We can’t wait to hold your hands and squeeze them tenderly and tell you that everything’s gonna be okay.  

If this is totally new to you— welcome to it!

We make art by four rules: We are who we are, we’re doing what we’re doing, we are where we are, and the time is now. 

Simply put: we tell stories, and the stories are our own. Everything that you hear is actually happening. 

Rooster crows

So if we tell you that we’re recording this while walking through the poultry section of the New York State fair in Syracuse, we-

A chorus of rooster crows

We are actually recording this while walking through the poultry section of the New York State fair in Syracuse, like I’m doing right now. 

A final rooster crow

Some of the work in this episode may contain sensitive topics. For more specific content warnings, check the timecodes in the show notes.

And now, I will run the numbers!

Hi, I’m Kyra-- a NY Neo-Futurist speaking in a different tone because I contain multitudes. In this episode we’re bringing you 5 plays. 

This week’s cast is Shelton Lindsay, Mike Puckett, Rob Neill, Anthony Sertel Dean and Greg Lakhan.

That brings us to 255 audio experiments on Hit Play. Enjoy!

Music winds down.

Play 1: Rewording Doja Cat’s... (2:32)

Shelton: Rewording doja cat’s boss bitch to be my own personal empowerment song because i need it right now. GO!

Go’s echo as beat begins. Shelton raps:

Mmm

I ain't tryna (Ah)

I ain't tryna

I ain't tryna

Yeah, ain't tryna be gay like you

Stumblin round i’m depressed boo

I’m sad, barely open my door

Spending whole hours on the floor

But sitting round sorry got to stop

Firstly gurl i ain't no slop

I’m the whole dam cake and the cherry on top

Though i’m still a bottom., calling out for pops

You know what i am the party

This queer cops haiting Moriarty

I wanna grow grow grow like a bro Flexin til i rip my clothes Want-ya-ta Ugh ugh ugh my throat

Wrist full of dicks wearin cum as a coat

Big up myself 'cause you know they won't

I chew, chew, chew 'cause they hope I choke (Hey)

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, I' aint friends ross

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, i don’t wear la coste 

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, hard like emma frost

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, and i use dental floss

Said, bitch, I'm the definer, you're just ignored

I been the designer, your immy- Dior 

Don't need a escort, don't need a cute whore

All of my bad dicks been better than yours 

I wear the drag and I wear the pants

I am entrancing so I get financed

And I’m romancing all of the mans 

Said boo don’t me mad I just live to prance.  

Said, I’m worthy and i know it

I’m my own man, got to own it.  

ego on the floor then dance on it

Shine bright, i’m a sun, i can admit. 

Said, I’m worthy and i know it

I’m my own man, got to own it.  

ego on the floor then dance on it

Shine bright, i’m a sun, i can admit. 

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, I' aint friends ross

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, i don’t wear la coste 

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, hard like emma frost

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, and i use dental floss

Oh yeah

It’s the break down, Or the break through

I don’t know- any of you have any of them break downs recently?

I just picked myself back up off the floor and finally did all of my laundry

Felt Goooooood

Yeah

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, swimmin in sauce

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, fur soft as moss

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, never finished lost 

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss, now que the applause 

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssss

Play 2: Park Off: A Parking Play (5:05)

*channel scanning*

Anthony: Coming up on WNEO 85.4, we’ve got for you a play collaboratively written. This play is called: Park Off: A Parking Play. GO!

Driving and parking sounds

Anthony: Oh, this is Anthony Sertel Dean reporting from, 

Mike: Hey, my name is Mike. 

Shelton: Hi. My name is shelton Lynsey, and I am looking for parking in BedStuy 

Mike: and I'm going to be attempting to park today.

Upbeat parking competition music continues throughout the play

Anthony: Buckled up. Ready to win this race. 

Shelton: Um, but more than that, I'm actually just looking for parking on the literal block that I have already parked my car on, but just on the other side, because tomorrow is alternate side parking day, 

Mike: it's a Sunday, we are in the middle of a tropical storm. So that might add a wrench into the works. Um, on the other hand, it could work out in my favor 

Anthony: My general parking philosophy. Right now my philosophy is get through this yellow light. Okay. Boom. Cleared it. Oh yeah, baby. 

Mike: I live in Greenpoint right now. I am, uh, going over the, I believe it's called the green point bridge. It's the one that isn't the Palasky. Um, and I'm going to be trying to find parking pretty much as soon as I get over the 

Anthony: We're going to speed up the west side highway, it's the morning I'm going against traffic. This is going to be an ease, going to be a breeze. 

Mike: And it's typically my parking strategy is to do it as little as possible. That's um, that's generally what I try to do. I will, I will actively avoid driving if I find a good enough spot. If I can, if I cause know I have to move the car twice a week, every ...

Anthony: really going to try to drive down yesterday, but then I didn't use to drive the car down yesterday. I need to be downtown, uh, 10, uh, tomorrow, meaning today. Uh, but, uh, I actually, uh, things to the run of day changed. So I don't need to be there till noon. And if I got down to noon, I'm not gonna be back uptown until like 10:00 PM. And just having any kind of control I have to park now. Cause I need to take.... 

Shelton: Normally my philosophy when trying to park my car is to pray to the parking gods. And usually I start trying to pray to them about two blocks before I need to park because. It's about the amount of time I think it takes them to like open up a spot for me. Let's see if it works tonight, guys. Hey parking gods I'd really love a spot

Mike: I actually have a, uh, a pseudo religious devotion to the, to the parking Gods. Um, and I feel that like giving up a bounty that was bestowed upon the, by said Gods uh, is a sin.

Anthony: Get through the driving. I've listened to hours, seasons, years of Dungeons and Dragons podcasts while looking for parking. Um, and you listening now, if you want to listen to Dungeons and Dragons podcasts, finish the art, finish our podcast first, please!

Mike: Oh yeah. And so we're going to be parking now. We just made it into a green point or I just made it new point. You're not with me, literally, um, 

Anthony: pressure loss in the rear right tire. That's not going to slow me down. Ain't nothing gonna slow me down. Whats that song?

Shelton: okay there's a parking spot right in front of my house. Let's see if I can fit on that though. It's like absolutely tiny. It was for a motorcycle. I am not driving motorcycle, but I am good at getting big things in small spaces. Applicable skill sets yay, homosexuality. 

Anthony: Oh, lets get this parking argh construction 

Mike: I love my car. My car is a. 2016 Honda fit it's black it's. Um, has I bought it when I was living in LA last year? Um, and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. It really made LA bearable for me. Um, you know, I moved there about six weeks before lockdown, so I kinda missed out on getting to see most of the city in this car. Um, allowed me to, uh, to explore the city, um, in a safe way during lockdown. So we've made it move. So 

Anthony: be on blasting it’s a hot day. Uh, not blasting. I don't, I was going to say I can't afford it, but I really have no concept of, uh, how AC impacts your gas mileage. There are a few things, there are a lot of things I don't really understand about my motor vehicle. And that's fine. That's fine. That's not my job. I know that it goes vroom, vroom, vroom, and it takes me from one place to another place. But only if I can find parking, oh, I'm going to find parking. I didn't come here to make friends. I came here to park my car and then go to a completely different part of the city. 

Shelton: It need to do like a 75 point turn. Nope.

Mike: So, uh, any double parked cars kind of ruined your day, uh, or in this case my day. And we've already found parking. Okay, well, we are done. Um, I found it. I don't need to do any more of this. Um, or do I

Shelton: I've fully gone onto the curb, but I don't actually know if I can. Get this off and still inside the space. 

Anthony: I'm frequently going to get hit. There's a spot. Boom, Thursday, let's take it. Oh my goodness. First loop. 

Mike: I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna give up a good thing. This is a decent spot. It's not a great spot. It's about a block from my house, which in the rain feels like 80 blocks. 

Shelton: At this point, I think I might be even come on, but he beat and I'm on the curb.

Anthony: This isn't going to happen. This isn't going to happen.

Shelton: Thank god for bumpers. Well, you know? Okay. I think I'm just, I think I'm going to just try to park right here and call that a day, 

Mike: I don't know how long it took the rest of you guys. Suck it, I found a spot. I won. That's it. We're done. Uh, thanks for listening. I'm the best parker there is. 

Shelton: Let's try it again. The basic minimum one has to do in parking and that like, the car is not in the road, but it's also not, not in the street if you know what I mean. And by street, I mean, sidewalk.

Anthony (in the studio): And that was the race. Both Mike & Shelton found parking almost half an hour faster than Anthony did and Anthony wouldn’t know this until they were editing the play- Which is right now. Damn. Really?!? Those two found parking so much easier than I did- and Mike’s being a block away is only decent?!? Ah well. Thats what we get for playing the game we call park off.  

Anthony (in car): shit, but I need to move my car on Sunday.

Music ends

Play 3: Incomplete Origin of Loss (12:08)

*channel scanning*

Rob: Incomplete Origin of Loss (interrupted by rains). GO!

Sound of rain underscores the text

1. I am still working through this

it is draft-y

and will always be

for me

for you?

I feel like I had to strip  off away most things 

(watch, lights, sobriety) to get to this point.

1. There is a catcher in the drain that has holes too small

in the mesh, so it catches too much--I wish I had been like that with you.

3. All of the dancing in kitchens with the stove burners and the radio on high 

could not bring you back us back 

to that time just before the hurt just before the train ride

through the ice storm that made the trees turn glassy.

17. There was this time we were on a carousel, just us, no it was a ferris wheel, on the whole wheel I always thought it was you who mixed them up and we were high above the land but near the sea and there wasn’t music but there should have been and we stopped and we were not drunk on spanish wine yet, but would be and in that moment I knew no matter how much we were in love or ever would be that we would not last that something would change that in a breath it would circle back to a point where we were strangers again standing outside of unfamiliar buildings not together and in the lights and breeze from the sea I hope that you breathed we breathed and had a minute of yes before the jolt the trajectory shift that followed

4. I was in a bed too big without you moment and 

almost dialed your number, face called, whispered, but I shutdown the memory 

and tried to find a warmer spot surrounded by pillows and dream ponds

9.  In my shoulder 

where I keep my loss 

I try to rub in the sad remembrances to make sure

I do not forget what time 

has gifted and demolished with regularity.

Play 4: I will write the next... (15:07)

*channel scanning*

Anthony: I will write the next asexual anthem, or “Being an asexual musician, I always want a great ace song that doesn't erase us from love but is still filled with passion. Is there a song that has like Prince energy but doesn’t fuck? I have not found that song yet. so I wrote one. and will write a new one every episode of Hit Play. until we have a hit. Billboard 100 or bust.” GO!

Intense dance pop beat that grows and climaxes over 10 seconds

Anthony sings: Don’t fuck me!

Play 5: Sir Gregolas Radio: Posted (15:57)

*channel scanning*

Elevator music type beat

Greg: Sir Gregolas Radio: Posted. GO!

I'm posted up, chillin

Booling, relaxing 

Bowls that I've been packing 

Sparking, then passing 

Coughing, hacking, 

Often days I'm trapping 

Pursuing all my passions

But that shit is so taxing 

Lately I've been slacking 

This cat hates this Rat race

Nowadays all we do 

Is self rate and clout chase 

Now I’ll take my pardon

Put gates around the garden

Achieve a higher state

Now I’m posted in my Happy Place

Posted in my Happy Place

Repeating affirmations

Psilocybin tea, guided meditation

Gratitude and Patience

At peace with my current situation

Posted on the block

Read a book and go for a walk

Say hi to every tree I see

Cuz they provide the air I breathe

Shit feels like therapy

Deep Breaths bring clarity

Need to decide on where to eat

As I Skate and roll along merrily

Fuck Money

Fuck Fame

I just want to be comfortable

So now I’ll take my pardon

Put gates around the garden

Achieve a higher state

Now I’m posted in my Happy Place

Posted in my Happy Place

I'm posted up, chillin

Booling, relaxing 

Bowls that I've been packing 

Sparking, then passing 

Coughing, hacking, 

Often days I'm trapping 

Pursuing all my passions

But that shit is so taxing 

Lately I've been slacking 

This cat hates this Rat race

Nowadays all we do 

Is self rate and clout chase 

Now I’ll take my pardon

Put gates around the garden

Achieve a higher state

Now I’m posted in my Happy Place

Posted in my Happy Place

Show Outro

electronic instrumental music plays underneath.

Kyra: Well lookit there we done did a radio show, didn’t we? Thanks for Hitting Play and then listening to Hit Play. If you liked what you heard, subscribe to the show, tell a friend and leave a review on your listening app of choice! If you want to support the New York Neo-Futurists in other ways, consider making a donation at nynf.org, or joining our Patreon–Patreon.com/NYNF. 

Anthony: Thanks Kyra. And if WNEO has a pledge drive, Patreon is probably the place to go. 

This episode featured work by: Anthony Sertel Dean, Mike Puckket, Rob Neill, Shelton Lindsay, and Greg Lakhan.

Kyra: Our logo was designed by Gabriel Drozdov. Our sound is designed by Anthony Sertel Dean. Hit Play is produced by Anthony Sertel Dean, Hilary Asare, and Shelton Lindsay 

Take care!  

Music fades out!